Horatio*, I have a big huge fluffy Easter bunny of a crush on you, and it's only gotten worse since Works of Shakespeare ended, but I think you are smart and nice and you're even super cute! And in my social sphere! And you have amazing abs from paddling! I have seen the picture on you Facebook, and I can't deny it, you look good. Like, really good. Did you always have that under you uniform polo shirt? Because I am not one of those girls who obsesses over guys' bodies or even really cares, but can I just say, guh.
And it would be so awesome if we went to prom together. I think we'd have a lot of fun. But I hardly know you. So... I'll probably take my cousin again. Which will be great, because if anyone was in doubt about how unfortunate I am, they'll be like, "Hey, she brought her cousin again, she must be a complete loser," and that'll be good, because of course the last thing I'd want is for my social status to be ambiguous.
I have a sense of humor; you can tell that from my above comments. That is one thing about me - I like funny things. Do you like funny things? We could be funny together! Except I can be really goofy and geeky and other unattractive words that start with g and end with y, and you might just think I'm lame. Which would be okay, because lots of people think that about me, I think. But if you thought that, we probably wouldn't go to prom together, and then I'd just be even more goofy and geeky and other unattractive words that start with g and end with y, and I'd also be embarassed and disappointed and embarassed, but I already said that, but I would be, really a lot.
And you see, the thing is is that I've had other big huge crushes, but they were monstrous and hairy and I couldn't even open my mouth. But even though I'm sort of shy around you and don't know you that well and wouldn't really know what to say to you at first, you don't scare me. Which is, let me say, a significant improvement from all the other stupid boys I've liked. And the thing is, I just think you're really cute and I think I'm pretty cute, and if we got together, we could be really pretty cute together.
So anyway, in conclusion, I'd really like to go to the movies with you, and then we could go get ice cream, and then we could ride our bikes to the beach, and it would be really great, and when I think about you, I get really, really happy, and that's what I like about you, is you're great and you make me happy.
*name changed to preserve my sanity